Being Afraid of the Phone Is Perfectly Normal
Plenty of people feel that making a phone call is frightening, or that they have no idea what to say. One survey found that roughly 70 percent of younger people said messaging was easier than calling. For a generation raised on LINE and email, a phone call - a conversation in real time - naturally feels like a high bar to clear. This aversion to the telephone even has a name, phone anxiety, and it is increasingly recognised as a real phenomenon.
All the same, there are still plenty of things that can only be done by phone: booking a hospital appointment, asking a shop a question, getting in touch in an emergency. Once you know the tricks, the phone stops being frightening. This article sets out the preparation and the speaking techniques that let even a reluctant caller stay calm, with specific phrases you can use. If you are living in Japan and calling in Japanese, the ready-made phrases below are worth memorising exactly as they are.
Understand Why the Phone Bothers You
The reasons a call feels frightening differ from person to person, but it is worth setting out the common ones. Once you know the cause, a countermeasure is much easier to plan.
- You do not know what to say: solved by preparing in advance. This is by far the most common cause
- You cannot read the other person's reaction: a call is voice only, so you cannot see their face and that makes you uneasy
- You worry about not catching what they say: learn a phrase for asking them to repeat it and you will be fine
- Silence frightens you: the other person needs time to think as well. Silence is natural
- You are not confident in your polite Japanese: your honorifics do not have to be perfect. Ending sentences in "desu" and "masu" is quite polite enough
What matters is letting go of the pressure to speak flawlessly. The person on the other end is a human being too. Stumbling a little is no problem at all as long as your message gets across.
Preparing Before You Call
For most people who dread the phone, the source of the anxiety is not knowing what to say. Prepare in advance and that anxiety shrinks considerably.
Write your business down on a note
Before you call, write down what you want to say. A bulleted list is plenty.
- Who you are calling (the name of the shop, the name of the person you want)
- What it is about (a booking, a question, a cancellation)
- The information you need to give (date and time, your name, your phone number)
- What you want to ask (prices, opening hours, what to bring)
If you talk while looking at your note, it does not matter if your mind goes blank. Even professional call centre operators handle calls while reading from a manual. There is nothing embarrassing about consulting a note.
Decide your opening line ahead of time
The most nerve-racking moment of any call is the first thing you say. Settle it in advance.
Example: "O-isogashii tokoro sumimasen. Yoyaku o shitai no desu ga" (Sorry to trouble you when you are busy - I would like to make a booking).
Example: "Sumimasen, [subject] ni tsuite kikitai no desu ga" (Excuse me, I would like to ask about [subject]).
Once that first line is out, the other person will ask you questions and all you have to do is answer them. As soon as the conversation starts going back and forth, it tends to run more smoothly than you expected.
Check the number and the opening hours
Before you call, check the other party's phone number and their opening hours. Failures such as calling outside business hours or dialling the wrong number create needless tension. Checking the shop's official website or Google Maps beforehand puts your mind at rest.
The Basic Shape of a Call
- Give your name when they answer: "[name] to moshimasu" (My name is [name]). When calling a shop, your name alone is fine
- State your business: "[subject] no yoyaku o shitai no desu ga" (I would like to book [subject])
- Answer their questions: the date and time, the number of people, your name and so on
- Confirm: "[date] no [time] desu ne. Arigatou gozaimasu" (So that is [time] on [date]. Thank you)
- Thank them and end the call: "Arigatou gozaimashita. Shitsurei shimasu" (Thank you very much. Goodbye)
Simply having this sequence in your head makes things a great deal easier. Think of a call as a conversation that comes with a script and the fear softens. Our introduction to phone manners is worth a look as well.
A Collection of Phrases You Will Use Often
When you are making the call
- "O-isogashii tokoro sumimasen" (Sorry to trouble you when you are busy)
- "[subject] ni tsuite kikitai no desu ga" (I would like to ask about [subject])
- "Yoyaku o o-negai shitai no desu ga" (I would like to make a booking)
- "[subject] no ken de o-denwa shimashita" (I am calling about [subject])
When you did not catch what was said
- "Sumimasen, mou ichido o-negai dekimasu ka" (Sorry, could you say that once more?)
- "Denpa ga warukute kikitoremasen deshita" (The reception was poor and I could not hear you)
- "[what you heard] to osshaimashita ka?" (Did you say [what you heard]?) - for confirmation
When you are ending the call
- "Arigatou gozaimashita. Shitsurei shimasu" (Thank you very much. Goodbye)
- "Yoroshiku o-negai shimasu. Shitsurei shimasu" (I look forward to it. Goodbye)
Save these phrases in the notes app on your phone and you can check them mid-call. Learn them as a matter of phone etiquette and they will serve you in any situation.
Techniques for Easing the Tension
- Stand up to make the call: your voice comes out more readily than when seated. Your abdomen engages and your voice gains strength
- Smile as you speak: even though your face cannot be seen, smiling lifts the tone of your voice. Practising in front of a mirror works well too
- Speak slowly: tension tends to make people talk fast. Consciously slow down. It also makes you easier to understand
- Keep a pen and paper to hand: knowing you can note down what the other person says is reassuring in itself
- Take a breath before you dial: three deep breaths before the call. Your heart rate settles and your voice steadies
- Tell yourself it is fine to get it wrong: in almost every case the person on the other end has not noticed you are nervous at all
Situations Where Disliking the Phone Does Not Matter
The alternatives to calling have multiplied in recent years. In the following situations you can get by without picking up the phone at all.
- Booking a restaurant, which you can do online through Tabelog, Hot Pepper and similar sites
- Booking a medical appointment, as a growing number of clinics accept online bookings
- Making an enquiry, using the contact form or chat window on an official website
- Arranging redelivery of a parcel, which can be done on the web or through LINE
Emergencies (110 and 119), however, can only be handled by phone. Keep the basics of calling in hand for the moment it matters. When the number you are calling runs an interactive voice response (IVR) system, the whole thing is often a matter of pressing buttons, so there are situations where you never speak to a person at all. And if you truly do not want to answer calls, setting up voicemail lets callers leave you a message instead.
How to Practise
If the phone is difficult for you, we recommend building up in stages rather than throwing yourself straight into the deep end.
- Level 1: call family or a friend and practise getting a piece of business across
- Level 2: ring a shop to check its opening hours, which only takes a short exchange
- Level 3: book a table at a restaurant by phone, which follows a set pattern
- Level 4: make an enquiry call, which involves a genuine exchange of questions and answers
Accumulating small successes gradually wears down your aversion to the telephone. You may be nervous at first, but after three or five calls you start to feel that it was not so bad after all. If it is calls in English that worry you, see our collection of English phrases for the phone as well. Registering the numbers you call often on speed dial saves you the trouble of entering the number and lowers the psychological barrier too.
Summary
Being afraid of the phone is perfectly normal. Simply writing your business down on a note and deciding your opening line eases the tension considerably. You do not need to speak flawlessly. Getting your message across is enough. Think of a call as a conversation that comes with a script, keep your note in front of you, and speak calmly.